Alcohol Recovery Coaching Transformed My Life

I remember my first Big Bad Relapse while working with a therapist.

It felt a bit like being sent to the principal’s office as a kid. My then-partner had already called him about what happened, so when I arrived for our session, he was waiting—somber, a stack of papers at the ready.

“Seroquel,” he said, looking down at his notes. “When mixed with alcohol, side effects may include mood swings, sedation, nausea or vomiting, impaired liver function, seizures, hallucinations…”

One by one, he went down the list, detailing the risks of drinking on all seven medications I was taking at the time.

“And that’s assuming you weren’t taking them all at once.” Finally, he looked up and met my eyes. “Altogether, Sam — you could have died.”

I knew he cared. I knew he’d been sober himself for years. But dangling the prospect of death in front of me didn’t scare me straight. It scared me deeper into isolation and shame.

Of course, not every therapist takes this “tough love” approach. 

But the truth is, many of us see our clinicians as authority figures, and that dynamic can shape how safe and connected we feel — especially when we’ve done something we swore we wouldn’t, like relapsing after vowing to get sober.

How Coaching Changed Everything For Me

As a recovering people-pleaser, no matter how hard I tried to advocate for myself, I couldn’t help but view my therapist through the lens of a parental figure — an authority I needed to please.

That meant I struggled to open up when I needed support the most. Even after changing therapists, I couldn’t seem to put down the mask of the “gold star therapy client.” I wanted to ace therapy, to say and do all the right things.

But I didn’t know how to show up in my mess. And if I couldn’t do that, how could I show up as someone who was struggling to stay sober?

It wasn’t until I found a coach that things shifted. I had always been skeptical of coaching, convinced that only a trained mental health professional could help someone as “messed up” as me.

My coach first got me through the door with her multiple certifications — positive psychology (which explores the science of joy, meaning, and purpose), strengths-based interviewing, and somatics, which helps us process emotions through the body.

But what made me stay (to this day!) was the way she clocked my mask almost immediately. Not just because she was intuitive — though she definitely is — but because it was a mask she had worn herself.

Slowly but surely, one-on-one coaching cracked me open. And in the process, it didn’t just change my relationship with substances — it gave me back my life.

Coaching Broke Down The Shame Wall

I hadn’t sought out a coach to get sober. In all honesty, after therapy failed to make a dent, I had simply decided sobriety wasn’t for me.

But inevitably, as I opened up more in coaching, my substance use crept into the conversation — first lingering at the edges, then taking center stage.

Like many who struggle with alcohol, my initial “hack” for cutting back was to replace it with cannabis. But that quickly became just as dysfunctional. Not only did my cannabis use spiral out of control, but the appetite fluctuations triggered my anorexia, setting off a vicious cycle of restriction after each munchy-driven binge.

Eventually, it became impossible not to talk about.

But when I finally admitted to my coach how stuck — and frankly, stupid — I felt, her response stunned me:

"That makes a lot of sense."

Sense? My behaviors felt irrational, unhinged, like they were ruining my life. How could they also be sensible?

But what my coach saw was someone coping with tremendous pain the best way he knew how. She recognized these as survival strategies — ones I had honed through a difficult life. And instead of condemning me, she reframed my struggle as a testament to resilience, not failure.

"Is it supporting the life you want now? No," she said. "But did it support your survival up until this point? Absolutely. We can honor both of those things."

Something clicked.

I wouldn’t have relied on these behaviors if they didn’t serve some purpose. And if that was true, then I didn’t need to focus on forcing them away — I needed to understand why some part of me still needed them.

Because once I had the support I truly needed, I could trust myself to let them go.

How Alcohol Coaching Supported My Sobriety

With a brilliant mix of self-disclosure, deep conversation, and empowering reframes, my coach helped me dissolve the shame and perfectionism I had carried my entire life.

I could finally show up authentically — not just in my relationship with her, but in every relationship thereafter, including therapy. I could own my messiness.

So when I eventually returned to therapy and sought higher levels of care, I approached it differently. I could advocate for myself, articulate what I needed, and access a level of vulnerability I had never reached before.

I no longer felt the need to hide the behaviors that had kept me stuck — my substance use, my eating disorder, my cycles of self-destruction.

I also had a foundation of self-trust. I no longer believed I was irrational or broken. I understood that everything I did made sense in the emotional context of my life. That meant I had no reason to feel ashamed — and every reason to keep seeking support until I found what truly worked for me.

And just as I had hoped, when I finally addressed the underlying pain — the needs those behaviors had been meeting — sobriety happened almost intuitively.

Unlike before, when I would mark a specific date and count each day like a fragile thread, I don’t actually remember the exact moment I got sober. One day, I simply realized I had stopped using for a while, and I liked how I felt. So I carried on.

Since then, I’ve tried smoking and drinking again, only to be shocked by how off-putting I found the experience.

Because now, I’m no longer playing a game of roulette with substances, desperate to escape my life in any way possible. I no longer need to escape. My life is one I want to be in. I have no desire to gamble away my peace for the familiar chaos that drinking and smoking once brought.

And I know that in the inevitable stressful seasons of life, the most important question isn’t just, How will I stay sober? It’s, How will I ensure I have the support I need, no matter what happens?

Focusing on abstinence alone had trapped me in a game of whack-a-mole, where one self-destructive behavior simply replaced another.

But as my coach pointed out, when I stay committed to nourishing my support system and meeting my needs, sobriety isn’t something I have to force — it’s something that follows naturally.

It no longer feels like holding my breath underwater. It feels like coming up for air.

Are You Drinking Too Much?

Is drinking affecting your job? Is alcohol harming your health or relationships? Does your drinking worry you? Ever tried to drink less but failed?

If any of this sounds familiar, Oar Health might be right for you. Oar Health offers medication FDA-approved for the treatment of alcohol problems. A daily pill to drink less or quit. 

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