Oar Health Member Stories: A Family History of AUD

Some people start drinking in their teens. Early on, it’s evident there’s a problem. That’s not my story.

I didn't start drinking until I was 50. It’s terrifying to think about how I went from being a non-drinker to having a problem that knocked me down so quickly.

I’m a family doctor. Working in medicine, I knew there were drugs to help with alcohol use disorder (AUD). But because of my career, I faced fear and resistance to seeing a doctor in person — I didn’t want to lose my job potentially. I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t get fired if I admitted I had a problem with alcohol, and it was showing up at work.

I tried to quit unsuccessfully a few times on my own. Before Oar Health, I hadn’t attempted treatments other than Alcoholics Anonymous (AA.) But AA didn’t work for me. I stayed sober for a stretch of 6 weeks. I tried very hard. After the six weeks, the first time I was around other people drinking, my sobriety went to shambles.

The program’s ideology didn’t resonate. If you have one slip-up in AA, you lose all of your previous time counted as sober. This made me want to drink more. Feeling like I messed up only added to my shame. Contrary to the program’s rule that your days restart if you drink, all of my time and effort spent sober wasn’t for nothing.

I knew I needed a different kind of help. One way you can tell addiction has a hold on your life is knowing you need to quit but not wanting or being able to. When drinking, I’d say and do hurtful things. I reached a point where I wanted to stop for myself and regain control of my life.

The Genetics of AUD

Alcohol use is part of my genetics. My grandfather had AUD and got sober before I was born. Growing up, alcohol was normalized in my family as a way to unwind after a day’s work. My parents would always have a couple of beers at night.

In my twenties, I had an opioid addiction and went to intensive outpatient therapy. When I told my parents, my dad confessed that both he and my mom had drinking issues. He stopped cold turkey. My mom, on the other hand, got to the point where she was acting erratically and would fall asleep drunk in the basement.

From A Non-drinker To A Pint A Day

Alcohol quickly became a problem and progressed in severity. For the last three years of my alcohol use, it was awful. By the time I quit drinking, I was consuming a pint every day. I blacked out at work and was shocked no one noticed. My relationship with my husband was deteriorating, even though I hid my stash from him. 

One of the things that fills me with regret is that I cheated on my husband. When I drank, my inhibitions changed. That event would never have happened without alcohol. 

Alcohol’s hold seeped into every part of my life. My work was not up to par. I drove drunk with my daughter in the car many times. I passed out on my bed once. My daughter tried to wake me up but couldn't. I scared her. I lost precious time — I could have been spending it with her, but I was not myself. 

I drank as soon as I’d wake up from a bottle I’d hidden. When I bought a pint for lunch, I’d drink half in the afternoon and half the next day. I’d pick more up on the way home. My husband and I would get dinner or go to a concert and drink more. Alcohol colored my entire day.

Being a doctor, I knew all the effects alcohol would have on my body and mind if I didn’t quit. Despite alcohol’s chokehold on my life, I still couldn't stop. 

The Moment I Knew I Needed To Change

The turning point for me was after a horrendous fight with my husband. At that moment, I realized I had no control over my life. Without alcohol, I experienced tremors and shakes, bad headaches, and nausea. I asked myself, “What happened to me?” It was finally enough. 

Testing Naltrexone

When I wanted to quit, I started reading books about getting sober and how drinking changes the brain. Naltrexone was new to me. Even as a doctor, I heard very few people mention it for alcohol or opioid abuse. Initially, I started looking for Antabuse, another medication for alcohol use, but saw it was discontinued. In my search, I found naltrexone through one of Oar Health’s articles.

I started naltrexone in October 2023; I still take it and have no plans to stop. I may stay on it forever. The first time I took naltrexone, I tested it. I drank the day after, and something miraculous happened — I didn’t feel anything. If I am not going to feel the effects of drinking, there’s no point. That was the last time I drank. Before that, it was impossible for me to stop. I’d still be drinking today if it weren’t for naltrexone. 

Since stopping, I have no more swelling in my legs. I don’t have headaches. I’ve lost 20 pounds. I no longer live in fear that someone will find out about my use.

I’m just starting to learn about self-care. I now see a therapist who specializes in addiction. It’s daunting at 55 to face the things you want to change about yourself. But with therapy, I’ve been examining why it is I feel the way I do and why things seem more challenging for me than others. 

I still have cravings to an extent, so the first thing I do in the morning is take the pill. In my drinking days, there were many times I’d go to the drugstore at lunch and buy a pint. That impulse still flickers in my mind some days. But while I may still think of drinking, I know I won’t feel anything if I do, which makes it pointless and helps me choose not to. 

In recovery, you examine your life more closely and become more honest. I finally told my husband about the infidelity, and of course, that was a difficult time. I don’t think I could have done it without the medication.

In The Future

For people who are curious about quitting, I’d tell them not to expect a magic pill that does everything for them; there’s a lot of maintenance needed. I’d offer that you have to want to quit for yourself and use everything at your disposal to do it.

I believe I’ll continue naltrexone until I die. Healthy relationships with the people I love are a big part of my vision. I want a peaceful life, perhaps somewhere that’s warm year-round. 

What could happen to me and to the people I love when drinking? The burden of that question dissipating has changed my life. 

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